an extreme case of writer´s block

So, its been awhile.

Sorry about that. I´ve been struggling I guess with what is novel and worth writing about.

I´m on my time off now, in a surf town called Montanitas on the coast of Ecuador. The semester starts to fly by now - my brother will be here in a couple of days, then a backpacking trip, then Cusco and Puma.

I´m sunburned. We paid $15 for a surf lesson yesterday from a bleached blonde Ecuadoran guy whose board shorts hang perilously close to his butt crack. He spent exactly 15 minutes giving us instruction and then fell asleep on the beach for the other 2 hours and 45 minutes. But he was a nice guy. So nice, in fact, that he proposed marriage to my co-teacher last night at the discoteca. She declined.

The mullet is big in Montanitas. Actually, I think mullet plus dreadlocks is big in Europe now, and there happen to be quite a few European tourists.

The guys in the rooms next to ours in the hostel have become our buddies. They´re from New York and San Diego, but are in medical school in Guadalajara. A funny blast of memory of how intently I was focused on that track for awhile.

Additionally, what else can I tell you? Does traveling ever become routine? Isnt the point that it doesnt, ever? My students need support and energy from us. They are each strong individuals, each with their own issues and needs. I need to push myself now, push myself to take these opportunities with them.

I think a lot about home. More than I should. There is something so wildly appealing about leaves changing color, the ocean, coffee shops in the Old Port, Bradbury Mountain. I am craving something deeply and I can´t quite put my finger on it, and I long on the one hand for being home and on the other hand know that when I get there that wanderlust in me is going to rear up reminding me that I´m not sated without some sort of balance.

Things I´d like to do upon returning home - so that all of you can hold me to it. 1) Take salsa dancing lessons. 2) Bake my own bread. 3) Work in Liz and Artie´s garden. 4) Host many dinner parties. 5) Kayak the Forks. 6) Appreciate the ocean. 7) Get worms. Compost like crazy. 8) Continue the trend of my work and my life coming into line. 9) Drink more wine. 10) Protest.

Not settle.

What makes a life? What are the pieces you need in it to make yourself feel whole? Do we have access to those? Do we create them?

I guess I realize more each day how big a piece of work I am. I have so little of myself figured out...and I seem to understand less as each day goes by. Yet for the first time I have some direction and back that giddy feeling of excitement and breath-holding and wondering just how all of this is going to come to pass. Purpose? Truth? Such big words. Who knows, but something that in my gut gets excited.

Oddly cathartic, stream of consciousness. Much love to all of you. I can´t guarantee that my ramblings will be any more coherent next time, but I´ll write more soon...

Heather