Full circle...

So its been awhile.

I've been home since May. Most of you know that I'm gearing up to leave again...So the following is a collection of itineraries, reflections, and the nonsense that a blog lets you drivel on to the page. Thank you for reading...

Leaving this time feels strange. The anticipation is there, per usual. I was reminded recently that I am rarely excited for trips before they happen - too far in to life at the moment to be really mentally ready to go. Luckily transitioning into life wherever it happens to be at the moment has usually worked out for me...

Since May there is simultaneously so much, and so little to say. I attended one of YES!'s jams in West Virginia, entitled Leveraging Privilege for Social Change. The jam may have been one of the most transformative weeks of my life...I went in with the intention of "unlocking" myself, as I had put it - unaware really of what that would look like. The jam pushed me to move outside of my analytical, problem-solving self - to begin looking at the world from a "heart space" perspective. It made me realize how deeply trained I have been to shun emotion from my understanding of the world, and how much I have struggled with being unable to intellectually grasp what I see as world issues that run deep and are pervasive. To be surrounded by 27 other people - young leaders, activists, artists from a variety of racial and socioeconomic backgrounds who struggle with the issues of privilege and power so honestly - and to take a step past the superficial excitement of the visual diversity of a room of young leaders in to the deep anger, sadness and frustration that all of us felt - even with each other, and to push through that to a place of acceptance, support, and acknowledgement...and particularly ownership of our own feelings...

I will be writing, I think, about these thoughts and ideas for awhile - perhaps an undercurrent of my trip...but what I realized at the jam was how much we are acculturated as young, middle-upper class white people that legitimate work in social change involves leaving our people and our places and solving, fixing, living, sacrificing in the problems of other people who we see as needier than ourselves. And yet, I had a moment at the jam - facing a barrage of honestly spoken anger with "white culture" to realize that I have no idea what this culture is thats been handed to me. Who are my people? Where is my land? What struggles do I connect to? Who are my ancestors? What if I dont want a culture of patriarchy, imperialism, McDonald's, Wal-Mart, and the NFL?

Kids at summer camp are like sponges. Why? Because for many of them it is the first time in their lives that they find a true community - one that lives interconnected with its land, where different "generations" care for each other, where there are rituals and traditions and legends and heritage. Adults at summer camp are like sponges. And yet, for some reason there's an age where those rituals, those traditions become silly, outdated, childish...and ultimately society tells us that the most we can have of that community is a deep nostalgia...

And if we see the deep pain associated loss of culture in places like reservations here in the US - where in just a few generations tribes have had the tree cut from its roots - manifest in alcoholism, psychological trauma, domestic violence...why would we not expect to see similar pain in a society of people who have systematically lost their attachments to community, heritage, and land.

So much of what I came to see at the jam is how ready I am to be home - that the place that I make change is the place that I know, and that that is not weak to be close to your family, to receive the support and love of friends, to explore the land that you came from...but instead its where you are able to put down roots and grow your strongest.

And once we reconnect to that, we can all come to the table. We can support each other in the struggle that we all face at the moment, rather than trying to solve the struggles of others and pretending our own don't exist.

So all of that said, I'm off around the world for the next 8 months. Ahh yes...

I have traveled since I was 12 years old. I have searched communities, religious spaces, families - scoured them for something I didnt even know I was looking for. I have made friends whose children I hope my children someday grow up with...I have had experiences that were hilarious, some that were tragic, and some that simply rocked my foundation of understanding. I would never change any of that. What I never found was a work that was mine. And suddenly, I feel like I'm not looking any more.

It puts my travels in a new light. Rather than searching, I know that I've found something - and it frees me up for an incredible adventure. It also frees me up to be the teacher and the support person to 13 teenage girls who are just starting this whole process. Frankly, it takes a lot of the pressure off...

I leave Wednesday morning for a road trip to Niagara Falls, through Canada, to northern Michigan for a WFR course, to Seattle to see Paul and Lindsay and then to Bozeman...Getting my mind around the fact that all of that is leading up to being in Africa in two weeks has been a challenge...

The Traveling School will be in Namibia, Zambia, Botswana, and South Africa. We'll be rafting the Zambezi, rock-climbing, sand-boarding...we'll be studying the AIDS crisis, going on safari, looking at microfinance, and learning Xhosa. There are 13 girls this semester, and 4 deeply devoted teachers...We leave Washington DC and September 3, and return to the US on Dec 15...I have no idea what these 4 months will bring. I'm hoping for some clarity, some adventure, some hilarity...I'm hoping to get a little better at taking care of myself - at not spreading myself too thin. I'm bringing knitting needles, paints, and several books. I'd like to meditate. I'd like to write. I'd like to stay in better touch.

Leaving for so long is daunting. It would mean so much to me if you all will help me stay in touch...Internet from Africa can be hedgy at times - so know that I'm sending you all much love...

I'll post again soon. Sorry that this is such a scattershot collection of ideas - dont take any of them too seriously...but hopefully they'll flesh themselves out as the semester goes on.

Heather