mind flood.

Hi all,

Last night, we experienced a flash flood in our little jungle hostel. We´re all fine - no panicking! but I bring it up because it´s symbolic of much something much larger.

The weather went from sunshine to pouring in about 15 minutes. 15 minutes after that, I was deep in conversation with a student, looked over to see the river swelling above its banks and realized that we were going to see the river flood.

From there, in a matter of a half an hour, the river rose 10 feet from its base level. I went to retrieve our students from their rooms, and found myself wading in water up to my waist. It was not rushing, no current, just pouring up and into the jungle around us. All of the houses here are built on stilts for exactly this reason, but when the river started to reach the floor of our dining area, we moved the girls to higher ground.

This is the first time the people who work here remember seeing the river flood like this. About an hour later, the rain slowed and the river retreated. We had dinner, and things are back to normal - a bit muddy, plants in disarray, but none the worse for the wear.

I had two major thought processes while this was happening. The first was that I would have had no way of differentiating this periodic flooding that happens here from a more significant weather event. I wondered what people think, when they´re caught in a natural disaster, as it begins. They must of course think that the river will go down soon, the rain will stop.

This morning when we woke up we had no water because sand had gotten into the water tank. With our 20 people, in a matter of 3 hours, our toilets backed up. What happens when thousands of people are together for days on end, no water? We still shit.

The second thought process was that this is climate change. This is nature, powerful, stretching its arms, warning us of what´s to calm as our sea levels rise and our wind currents shift and our temperatures increase. It was this thought, above all else, that threatened to pull me from my hyper-aware state - heightened by the added responsibility of looking out for 16 teenage girls. It made me want to cry, to drop to my knees, to find some sort of faith, to bargain, to plead. It scared me, not because I thought we were in danger last night...but instead because I really didn`t know what we were starting to see when the water rose. And it continues to scare me, not because I think our immediate safety is threatened, but because I really don`t know what we will see in the next year, five years, ten years.

We visited a petroleum company´s extraction site during our trip deep into the selva. Clean. Responsible. Informed. Those are the words that come to mind upon our tour. We met with the chief environmental manager, who explained to us in detail all of the techyniques they use for minimizing impact on the environment. As one of my students put it - these are just men who need a good job to feed their families. They are doing what they can to protect the environment in which each of them grew up.

We look for a scapegoat...for someone to blame when we hear about the destruction of the rainforest or the changing climate. It would be so much easier if we had seen giant pits, scars in the earth from open oil wells. But "We have met the enemy and it is us"...that quote comes to mind, as we realize that the magnitude of these operations, the cultural devastation of the indigenous people in the area, the 1000% increase in cancer rates comes not from the malice of an individual oil engineer, or even the evil machine of a particular oil company but instead from the monstrous demand that we generate in our country.

25% of the world´s oil. That´s how much we consume in the United States. I am shaken in these last few days here - surrounded by the lungs of the world, the diverse natural environment that can literally breathe off of our waste product...the intricacies, the integration of species...

To walk in the jungle in the dark is to get the sense that you have missed something your whole life. Its the hold-your-breath feeling, because it might fade away if you try to hold on to it for too long. It is too recognize for a brief moment that we are at the mercy of this world around us, to give the power over, to for a second not struggle to control...instead to let yourself be all you can be, all you should be. Which is enough, and not too much.

Much love to all of you. Random spewing of thoughts. Not enough time. Will try to write more soon.

Heather